Unbeatable Mind student Dr. Gabrielle Young asked me recently about habits. It got me thinking about why it is so hard for us to eliminate bad habits. Her question was: “Mark, humans are creatures of habit; we get very good at recreating situations. The ego seems to love the “story.” When you’ve had a deep-seated habit that’s caused you distress, what’s been the best way to change that for you?”
A habit, once formed, is like a rut in a road
Have you noticed that when the highway crew fills in a rut in the road, it is just a matter of time before it is cut deep again? However, if they direct traffic to a new section of the road the old rut eventually disappears? Meanwhile a new but different rut is formed around the new traffic pattern. Is it possible our habits act in the same manner? Perhaps instead of trying to eliminate a rutted habit that isn’t supporting us, we should focus our efforts on developing an excellent habit that will elevate us to new levels. Remember that what we focus on will come true eventually. So, if we focus on the habit that causes us stress – even if we deeply desire to be rid of it – then we are greasing the groove even deeper. That is a losing strategy, even though most cessation programs are designed in that way.
Greasing the groove of a new habit
So how can we diligently create a new habit that renders the old one irrelevant? Here are some ideas:
- First, choose a habit that is in contradiction to your negative habit. For instance, if you desire to lose weight, and your weight issue stems from eating too much sugar, then instead of trying to eat less sugar, try eating more vegetables and drinking more water throughout the day. Over time the new habit will increase your energy, smooth out your insulin and reduce the craving for sugar. Boom!
- Next, associate an inordinate amount of guilt-free pain with the old habit, and an unusual amount of anticipatory pleasure with the new. Use your visualization skills to create a cartoon of you moving away from that painful, nasty evil sugar, and toward that exciting, tasty and healthy broccoli. Now you are using neuroscience as your silent aide, quietly moving you away from the old and toward the new. This will provide the spark of discipline to get you on track.
- Finally, burn your boats for a long term commitment to the new habit. Face it, 21 days just isn’t enough time. I recommend you avoid setting a timeline for giving up the old habit, rather commit to the new habit for the long haul. Why not avoid setting yourself up for failure with a “cliff” – where you a gutting it out waiting for your ordeal to end? When that day comes – poof – back to the old habit you go. Rather, create a long term commitment to yourself and share it with others. Better yet, recruit a swim buddy to share the new habit with you. Hold each other accountable daily.
No such thing as perfect!
When trying to change behavior it is a good idea to be nice to yourself. When you beat yourself up for slipping occasionally, you are feeding the fear dog, emboldening him to crush your intentions. Ignore the fear dog and provide your new habit the space and time to germinate. There is no such thing as being perfect – but there is perfect effort. If you have perfect effort and feed the courage dog while moving toward an excellence habit, you be cultivating a powerful state of positivity in your life. It is hard to fail with the courage dog by your side.
Good luck with this and let me know how it goes!
–Mark Divine, SEALFIT/Unbeatable Mind
PS: You will want to listen to the Unbeatable Mind podcast linked HERE. SEALFIT Coach Dan Cerrillo and I have a fun conversation about his time in the SEALs and his strange experiences as part of a billionaire’s security detail. We also discuss how he trains NFL players at his CrossFit gym, and we also announce the new SEALFIT Graduate program “Turning Steel.”
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